Good morning! I had a few requests for my recipe for the soup I made last night. I tend to read several different recipes for something and make up my own as I go. There won't be very many exact ingredients, but here goes:
Pasta e Fagioli
Ingredients:
1 lb. ground meat (I used organic beef, but you probably use ground turkey, turkey sausage, or pork sausage)
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Yellow onion, diced
1-2 cloves of garlic (More or less to your taste)
2 large carrots, diced
Splash of red wine
2 cups Beef Stock (you could use vegetable or chicken if that's what you have)
1-2 Tbls. tomato paste
1 can tomato sauce
1 can diced or crushed tomatoes
1 can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained
Salt and pepper to taste
Fresh Italian parsley and basil or Dried Italian seasoning
Crushed red pepper
1/2 cup Grated parmesan or romano cheese
1 lemon
Small cut pasta (elbow macaroni)
Directions:
Brown the meat in EVOO adding salt and pepper, a little Italian seasoning (1-2 Tbs.), and a dash of crushed red pepper. Once the meat is browned, add the onion and garlic. Depending on the type of meat used, you may want to drain off some of the extra fat before adding the onion and garlic. Allow a few minutes for the onion to soften and become translucent. Add the diced carrots and allow them a few minutes to begin to soften. Deglaze your pan with a splash of red wine and add the stock. If you don't have wine, you can just use the stock. Add the tomato paste, sauce, and diced tomatoes. Add the rinsed and drained beans. If you have fresh herbs, go ahead and add them now. If not, add more Italian seasoning. Add the cheese - I know this sounds odd, but the cheese gives it a slight sharpness and creaminess while also thickening the soup a little. Allow the soup to come to a boil and turn the heat to simmer for 20-30 minutes.
Taste your soup and see if you want to add any additional seasoning. At this point, I usually have water in another pot already boiling and add the pasta. Some recipes allow for you to cook the pasta in the soup, but I don't like doing that. I am able to control the amount of pasta in each bowl when they are cooked separately. Also, the pasta can sometimes over cook or bloat if it is added into the soup. I store the soup and pasta separately, if there is any left over.
Before serving, squeeze some fresh lemon juice over the soup once it's in the bowl. If you like a strong lemon flavor, you can also add lemon zest. You may also sprinkle some cheese over the top. Enjoy!
Psalm 139
Monday, February 22, 2016
Monday, October 5, 2015
A Stirring
Have you ever had the feeling that what you were doing wasn't enough? That, you should be fulfilled, but still feel like there is more out there somewhere? Work is going well, you've been successful, but it just wasn't enough?
I have.
The last six months or so, there has been a stirring in my life and my heart. I felt so confused. I was working in a job, where I had been wildly successful with people who have supported me during a time of grief and healing. I couldn't believe what I had accomplished over the last few years, and at the same time, it wasn't enough. I felt like I was climbing a ladder, but I would never find the top.
It seems to me, that we are in a society that continues to teach us to work harder, achieve more, and make more money. I believe that for some, that is enough. I don't think there is anything wrong with that feeling, if it is what you truly want for your life. I've been living that for most of mine. Working hard in school to make good grades, get into a good college, get a good job, go back to school to learn more and get an even better job, and on, and on. When is it enough? When do we stop and say, "This is where I am supposed to be. This is enough. This is what I've worked so hard for."? And, when do we discover opportunities to create our own destiny?
The more I pondered on this unsettled feeling I had, the more I realized that part of that feeling stemmed from not allowing myself a break. I never took significant time off after Freddie died. Will and I both went through counseling, went to group therapy for grieving families, took a few trips and spent time together, but I never took any time to just "be".
When we started a family, our goal included me taking time during our young child's life to be a homemaker. Since I was a girl, I had always pictured myself taking time out of my career to raise my children while they were young. Obviously, life did not go according to plan. Cancer did what it does and swooped in and muddied every perfect little ideal we had. It amazes me how to this day, I worry about things that I ultimately have no control over. If cancer and grief taught me anything, it is that we can plan for what we think will happen, but somehow, someway, when a wrench is thrown in that plan, it is only trust and faith that will carry you through.
I digress.
I continued to fight this stirring in my heart. I continued working. This meant, additional anxiety, stress, and conflict, all of which were taking a toll on the mother I want to be for William. I was ending each day at the end of my rope not leaving any space for quality time with Will or any of the people I love. I was not a fun person to be around.
Fast forward to August. For some reason, my birthday struck a chord in me. It isn't a significant, milestone year, but I began thinking about how I want to spend my life and I began wondering how Freddie would have lived his life differently, had he known cancer was knocking at our doorstep. He had so many dreams and ideas for his/our life. I began wondering what he would have poured his time and heart into, had he known that his life was going to be cut so short.
At the same time, kids were going back to school. I woke up on August 10th and it hit me: I only had one more year until my own son would be off to "big kid school" and start Kindergarten. I pictured dropping him off for his first day of Kindergarten, and feeling like I had not taken any significant time with him.
I am in a unique situation. Not everyone has the opportunity to take time away from their career, or even wants to. I know a lot of people probably think I am crazy, but that's their issue. I would rather look back and know that I made the decision my heart and my gut were telling me to make, than to regret that I didn't take the time while I had it.
I also know that often times opportunity may be knocking, but we are so busy trying to "live" our lives, that we don't even hear the knock. We are so distracted by the day-to-day, that we don't take time to stop and listen to our hearts and allow God to speak to us. I am SO guilty of this.
Throughout the summer, I began thinking about taking time off. I sought the advice and counsel of trusted friends and I was praying for direction. Leaving behind the job that I had worked so hard for and the stability that comes from having that job was scary. I was entering a time of unknown. But in my heart, I kept thinking about all the unknown I had faced before. God began showing me how he had carried me and my family through times of unknown - sickness, scary finances, big decisions - He was there. I knew that this stirring was not random. These thoughts had a purpose and God was presenting a new plan. My job was to trust and follow.
At the end of August, I had finally made my decision. It was time to resign and take time off to spend with my son and discover what the next phase of my life will include.
So, here I am, in a place of many unknowns. What I DO know is that I made the right decision. I already see such a difference in my relationship with my son. It has affected our time together, created more opportunities for quality interaction, and transformed his behavior. I see a difference in the way he trusts me and communicates with me. It's incredible, and if that is the only result from his whole experience, I will be a grateful mother and woman.
I don't know what my next steps will be. Right now, I am enjoying life with less stress and anxiety. I am enjoying spending time with people that I love, and I am learning how my outlook on life affects everyone around me. I look forward to what the future holds, and I know that when the next step presents itself, God will carry me through and I will have peace in knowing that I followed him and did what I believe is right for my family.
For now, I will leave you with a quote from a book I am reading by Jen Hatmaker (oh my, if you haven't read any of her work, you are surely missing out). I read this today and it summed up what I am experiencing so well.
I have.
The last six months or so, there has been a stirring in my life and my heart. I felt so confused. I was working in a job, where I had been wildly successful with people who have supported me during a time of grief and healing. I couldn't believe what I had accomplished over the last few years, and at the same time, it wasn't enough. I felt like I was climbing a ladder, but I would never find the top.
It seems to me, that we are in a society that continues to teach us to work harder, achieve more, and make more money. I believe that for some, that is enough. I don't think there is anything wrong with that feeling, if it is what you truly want for your life. I've been living that for most of mine. Working hard in school to make good grades, get into a good college, get a good job, go back to school to learn more and get an even better job, and on, and on. When is it enough? When do we stop and say, "This is where I am supposed to be. This is enough. This is what I've worked so hard for."? And, when do we discover opportunities to create our own destiny?
The more I pondered on this unsettled feeling I had, the more I realized that part of that feeling stemmed from not allowing myself a break. I never took significant time off after Freddie died. Will and I both went through counseling, went to group therapy for grieving families, took a few trips and spent time together, but I never took any time to just "be".
When we started a family, our goal included me taking time during our young child's life to be a homemaker. Since I was a girl, I had always pictured myself taking time out of my career to raise my children while they were young. Obviously, life did not go according to plan. Cancer did what it does and swooped in and muddied every perfect little ideal we had. It amazes me how to this day, I worry about things that I ultimately have no control over. If cancer and grief taught me anything, it is that we can plan for what we think will happen, but somehow, someway, when a wrench is thrown in that plan, it is only trust and faith that will carry you through.
I digress.
I continued to fight this stirring in my heart. I continued working. This meant, additional anxiety, stress, and conflict, all of which were taking a toll on the mother I want to be for William. I was ending each day at the end of my rope not leaving any space for quality time with Will or any of the people I love. I was not a fun person to be around.
Fast forward to August. For some reason, my birthday struck a chord in me. It isn't a significant, milestone year, but I began thinking about how I want to spend my life and I began wondering how Freddie would have lived his life differently, had he known cancer was knocking at our doorstep. He had so many dreams and ideas for his/our life. I began wondering what he would have poured his time and heart into, had he known that his life was going to be cut so short.
At the same time, kids were going back to school. I woke up on August 10th and it hit me: I only had one more year until my own son would be off to "big kid school" and start Kindergarten. I pictured dropping him off for his first day of Kindergarten, and feeling like I had not taken any significant time with him.
I am in a unique situation. Not everyone has the opportunity to take time away from their career, or even wants to. I know a lot of people probably think I am crazy, but that's their issue. I would rather look back and know that I made the decision my heart and my gut were telling me to make, than to regret that I didn't take the time while I had it.
I also know that often times opportunity may be knocking, but we are so busy trying to "live" our lives, that we don't even hear the knock. We are so distracted by the day-to-day, that we don't take time to stop and listen to our hearts and allow God to speak to us. I am SO guilty of this.
Throughout the summer, I began thinking about taking time off. I sought the advice and counsel of trusted friends and I was praying for direction. Leaving behind the job that I had worked so hard for and the stability that comes from having that job was scary. I was entering a time of unknown. But in my heart, I kept thinking about all the unknown I had faced before. God began showing me how he had carried me and my family through times of unknown - sickness, scary finances, big decisions - He was there. I knew that this stirring was not random. These thoughts had a purpose and God was presenting a new plan. My job was to trust and follow.
At the end of August, I had finally made my decision. It was time to resign and take time off to spend with my son and discover what the next phase of my life will include.
So, here I am, in a place of many unknowns. What I DO know is that I made the right decision. I already see such a difference in my relationship with my son. It has affected our time together, created more opportunities for quality interaction, and transformed his behavior. I see a difference in the way he trusts me and communicates with me. It's incredible, and if that is the only result from his whole experience, I will be a grateful mother and woman.
I don't know what my next steps will be. Right now, I am enjoying life with less stress and anxiety. I am enjoying spending time with people that I love, and I am learning how my outlook on life affects everyone around me. I look forward to what the future holds, and I know that when the next step presents itself, God will carry me through and I will have peace in knowing that I followed him and did what I believe is right for my family.
For now, I will leave you with a quote from a book I am reading by Jen Hatmaker (oh my, if you haven't read any of her work, you are surely missing out). I read this today and it summed up what I am experiencing so well.
Perhaps this applies to you, too, good reader. God may be leading you away without a clear final destination yet. As maddening as that is, could it be that He needs you to release what was before you can appropriately grasp what will be? Could it be that you might accidentally squash the lovely vision if you obtain it too soon? There is a horrid beauty in following God slightly blind. The victory later is sweeter, the prize more valuable than breath. Obviously, we are Americans; we like a plan, we like assurances. But the ways of faith exist so far outside of our tidy boundaries, it is a wonder we can ever receive its mysteries at all.
Jen Hatmaker, "Interrupted"
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
One Year Later...
Once again, I find myself driven to put my thoughts down.
This month, November 6th, marks one year since we lost Freddie. It feels very surreal. In some ways, I feel like I've lived a lifetime, but in other ways, I feel like it just happened.
I'm beginning to see healing for William and me. Both of us moving forward, progressing, and accepting this new life.
We have been very blessed this last year with opportunities to travel, learn, and grow.
We have been especially blessed with our time at The WARM Place, a non-profit grief support center for children and their families. Our time there has allowed us to meet other families living through grief and learn and grow from them. I see Will beginning to express himself in better ways. I have gained perspective and healing in meeting other families, hearing their stories, and sharing their feelings and pain.
Today was our last day, for now, at The WARM Place. We were asked to share our hope in our grief. I cried as I heard everyone share their hopes. I realized how similar our hopes are and once again, realized I am not alone. There are other families experiencing loss, looking for direction, living on hope and grace, and trying to find their way to a place of healing.
I find myself in an interesting stage. A stage where I miss Freddie and his laughter, his jokes, his caring of Will and me, and our closeness and intimacy. I miss having that bond and knowing what he was thinking before he said it. I miss my best friend and life partner. And I think most of these things I will forever feel about him. Nobody will ever replace him, our love, and what he was in my life and in Will's life.
At the same time, I am picking myself up, moving on, and growing. Looking for new experiences, meeting new friends, and building new relationships. I am learning that I can be happy. That I can miss Freddie, but find peace and hope, and that my heart is growing.
I am learning that so many of the things I believed before are not necessarily changing, but maybe my perspective is. My faith, my belief system, my feelings about other people and the world around me. I am learning to give other people grace. I am learning to set boundaries. I am learning where I want to spend my time and with whom.
As Will and I enter this next phase, please continue to pray for us, knowing that each prayer is felt, heard, and hoped for. Please pray for wisdom as I parent my son and lead our home. And please know that each prayer is so appreciated.
I continue to try to live my promise to Freddie, Will, and myself - to travel, experience life, and grow. To provide every opportunity I can for our son. To keep Freddie's memory, laughter, and spirit alive in our lives and in our home.
These next few weeks/months will be difficult. The holidays were hard last year, but we were still so numb. I find myself wanting to break tradition. Wanting to have new experiences and memories. And I hope, in so doing, that I can be in the moment with William, enjoying our new memories, remembering Freddie, but not dwelling on the pain of his loss.
I'll leave here for now...with a few beautiful images Arden Prucha Jenkins took of the Carams a few weeks ago. She did our family pictures 3 years ago and I love the way she can capture sweet moments of love and beauty.
Happy holidays and may you find peace, love, grace, and hope as you celebrate and begin a new year.
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This month, November 6th, marks one year since we lost Freddie. It feels very surreal. In some ways, I feel like I've lived a lifetime, but in other ways, I feel like it just happened.
I'm beginning to see healing for William and me. Both of us moving forward, progressing, and accepting this new life.
We have been very blessed this last year with opportunities to travel, learn, and grow.
We have been especially blessed with our time at The WARM Place, a non-profit grief support center for children and their families. Our time there has allowed us to meet other families living through grief and learn and grow from them. I see Will beginning to express himself in better ways. I have gained perspective and healing in meeting other families, hearing their stories, and sharing their feelings and pain.
Today was our last day, for now, at The WARM Place. We were asked to share our hope in our grief. I cried as I heard everyone share their hopes. I realized how similar our hopes are and once again, realized I am not alone. There are other families experiencing loss, looking for direction, living on hope and grace, and trying to find their way to a place of healing.
I find myself in an interesting stage. A stage where I miss Freddie and his laughter, his jokes, his caring of Will and me, and our closeness and intimacy. I miss having that bond and knowing what he was thinking before he said it. I miss my best friend and life partner. And I think most of these things I will forever feel about him. Nobody will ever replace him, our love, and what he was in my life and in Will's life.
At the same time, I am picking myself up, moving on, and growing. Looking for new experiences, meeting new friends, and building new relationships. I am learning that I can be happy. That I can miss Freddie, but find peace and hope, and that my heart is growing.
I am learning that so many of the things I believed before are not necessarily changing, but maybe my perspective is. My faith, my belief system, my feelings about other people and the world around me. I am learning to give other people grace. I am learning to set boundaries. I am learning where I want to spend my time and with whom.
As Will and I enter this next phase, please continue to pray for us, knowing that each prayer is felt, heard, and hoped for. Please pray for wisdom as I parent my son and lead our home. And please know that each prayer is so appreciated.
I continue to try to live my promise to Freddie, Will, and myself - to travel, experience life, and grow. To provide every opportunity I can for our son. To keep Freddie's memory, laughter, and spirit alive in our lives and in our home.
These next few weeks/months will be difficult. The holidays were hard last year, but we were still so numb. I find myself wanting to break tradition. Wanting to have new experiences and memories. And I hope, in so doing, that I can be in the moment with William, enjoying our new memories, remembering Freddie, but not dwelling on the pain of his loss.
I'll leave here for now...with a few beautiful images Arden Prucha Jenkins took of the Carams a few weeks ago. She did our family pictures 3 years ago and I love the way she can capture sweet moments of love and beauty.
Happy holidays and may you find peace, love, grace, and hope as you celebrate and begin a new year.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
The Breakdown in Grieving
This week has been a tough one. I have missed Freddie's presence in our home since he died. His laughter, his jokes, his comfort, his smell, his voice, his calming ways, most especially, his fathering of Will. The last 8 or more months, I feel like I have been on autopilot. Waking up, putting my feet on the ground, and going.
I will not deny that Will and I have had some pretty amazing experiences this year. My promise to myself, after Freddie died, was that I would live my life in the fullest way I knew how. That I would take advantage of every opportunity to travel {that's what Freddie would want}. That I would do what I could to give Will real-life experiences. In some ways, I am beyond blessed and need to put more of my focus on that.
However, I am beginning to grieve the life I thought I would have. Not the material things, the house, the white picket fence, etc., but the life and experiences I thought I would have with my husband and my son. That life you dream of when you are walking down the isle, hand-in-hand, just announced "husband and wife". You know that one day, one of you will die, you just never imagine it being so soon.
Now I grieve every moment that I imagined having. Watching Freddie and Will play soccer or baseball. Taking trips together, seeing our favorite bands at concerts, sharing life, dreaming, praying together, believing together.
I mostly grieve for Will. The opportunities I feel that have been taken from him. He had the best daddy ever. Freddie was so in love, so passionate, so committed to his son. He wanted every moment he could have with our little boy.
People say "he's there, he can see you," but it is just not the same. Imagine a person you love more than anything being gone. Life is just never the same. Yes, he may see us from heaven. He may be cheering us on. But that is not the same as him being here with us, fathering our son, sharing our partnership and life together.
This breakdown has been tough. Anxiety-ridden, overwhelming, and all-consuming. I am thankful to the family and friends that continue to be there for us. Everyone's emotions are high, and anyone that believes it is my or my son's job to be their support or their anchor in their grief will have to face that we are barely holding on ourselves most days. I think Freddie was that anchor for so many people. And now he is gone. And I cannot be expected to carry on every.single.thing he did. I'm not always good at phone calls {especially the way Freddie was}. I'm not always good at reaching out when I am in pain. I don't want to be a burden to anyone and I don't want my suffering to affect those around me and bring them down.
For those friends and loved-ones that have supported us, been there, loved and prayed for us, I am so thankful for you. I do not know how I would live this life and I do not know any other way to live it, than to just keep going. And for now, that is what I will do.
I will not deny that Will and I have had some pretty amazing experiences this year. My promise to myself, after Freddie died, was that I would live my life in the fullest way I knew how. That I would take advantage of every opportunity to travel {that's what Freddie would want}. That I would do what I could to give Will real-life experiences. In some ways, I am beyond blessed and need to put more of my focus on that.
However, I am beginning to grieve the life I thought I would have. Not the material things, the house, the white picket fence, etc., but the life and experiences I thought I would have with my husband and my son. That life you dream of when you are walking down the isle, hand-in-hand, just announced "husband and wife". You know that one day, one of you will die, you just never imagine it being so soon.
Now I grieve every moment that I imagined having. Watching Freddie and Will play soccer or baseball. Taking trips together, seeing our favorite bands at concerts, sharing life, dreaming, praying together, believing together.
I mostly grieve for Will. The opportunities I feel that have been taken from him. He had the best daddy ever. Freddie was so in love, so passionate, so committed to his son. He wanted every moment he could have with our little boy.
People say "he's there, he can see you," but it is just not the same. Imagine a person you love more than anything being gone. Life is just never the same. Yes, he may see us from heaven. He may be cheering us on. But that is not the same as him being here with us, fathering our son, sharing our partnership and life together.
This breakdown has been tough. Anxiety-ridden, overwhelming, and all-consuming. I am thankful to the family and friends that continue to be there for us. Everyone's emotions are high, and anyone that believes it is my or my son's job to be their support or their anchor in their grief will have to face that we are barely holding on ourselves most days. I think Freddie was that anchor for so many people. And now he is gone. And I cannot be expected to carry on every.single.thing he did. I'm not always good at phone calls {especially the way Freddie was}. I'm not always good at reaching out when I am in pain. I don't want to be a burden to anyone and I don't want my suffering to affect those around me and bring them down.
For those friends and loved-ones that have supported us, been there, loved and prayed for us, I am so thankful for you. I do not know how I would live this life and I do not know any other way to live it, than to just keep going. And for now, that is what I will do.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Not Alone
After a very emotional day yesterday, I was comforted this morning when I heard these words sung by Phil Wickham "Safe":
To the one whose dreams have fallen all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you're on your own
But you're not alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong it never lets you go
No you're not alone
You will be safe in His arms. You will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made, He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms
We faced a very difficult day yesterday as we remembered Freddie on his birthday. It was a day of ups and downs, but my friend comforted me when she said, "Just think, it's Anna Sophia's first birthday in heaven with her Daddy." Tears, sweet tears.
Grief is so hard. And dealing with the expectations of others and working through what I need to do for William often leaves me forgetting to take care of myself. I feel alone. I feel forgotten. My heart is broken. But, I need to remember to look for peace and comfort in Him and allow Him to hold and heal my heart.
To the one whose dreams have fallen all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think you're on your own
But you're not alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong it never lets you go
No you're not alone
You will be safe in His arms. You will be safe in His arms
The hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made, He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms
We faced a very difficult day yesterday as we remembered Freddie on his birthday. It was a day of ups and downs, but my friend comforted me when she said, "Just think, it's Anna Sophia's first birthday in heaven with her Daddy." Tears, sweet tears.
Grief is so hard. And dealing with the expectations of others and working through what I need to do for William often leaves me forgetting to take care of myself. I feel alone. I feel forgotten. My heart is broken. But, I need to remember to look for peace and comfort in Him and allow Him to hold and heal my heart.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Psalm 139
Today, as I am sitting, overwhelmed, crying at my computer, urged to write, moved to share, I am reminded of this Psalm that seems to find its way into my life at the hardest of times. He reminds me that I am never far from His spirit. I need only seek and ask for it. I am not hidden from Him. The darkness cannot hide Him from me. He knows my anxious thoughts, He knows my heart...
I sometimes hesitate to share. I don't want to seem like I over-share, or put my grief on blast. But, today, maybe my pain will help someone else through their day.
I sometimes hesitate to share. I don't want to seem like I over-share, or put my grief on blast. But, today, maybe my pain will help someone else through their day.
When you think of me and Will, please say a small prayer. We continue to put one foot in front of the other, in the hopes that we will find healing. That we will have peace. Nobody knows our sweet tears, shed in the quiet moments at home. Nobody sees this sweet boy yearn for his precious daddy, falling asleep each night looking at pictures of him. This pain can be lonely. It can be isolating.
So, in this painful moment, I remember this Psalm and pray for peace. For my son, for me, and for Freddie eternally.
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Finding Grace in the Grief
Wow. I just looked at my last post dated March 2nd. I can't believe it has been almost a year since I have written.
And now, there is so much to write...
What a crazy ride life has been for me...
I'm definitely learning to find grace in the grieving.
When I lost Anna Sophia almost 5 years ago, I went through such a dark, sorrowful time. I didn't understand why it happened. I didn't understand how to deal with it. And I didn't understand that it would take me going through it and dealing with it to get to the other side and find healing.
I definitely had no idea, at that time, that 5 years later, I would lose the love of my life.
November 6th, 2013, Freddie lost his battle with cancer.
It is so difficult for me to put into words the emotions and thoughts I have each day. I've now buried two of the three most important people in my life....in less than 5 years...
When Freddie was first diagnosed with cancer in May of 2011, of course my brain automatically went to "What if?" When you hear that word, when anyone hears that word, they wonder...Will I make it? Am I strong enough? Why me?
At that time, I couldn't imagine my life without Freddie. Will was only 5 months old. I was a stay-at-home mom believing that we were coming out of a dark time grieving our daughter and finally able to celebrate the new life God had brought into our family.
So many events, procedures, prescriptions, treatments, journeys, relationships, hardships were experienced during that time. I still don't even know if I know what true, honest faith is. I worried most steps of the way, but continued to believe that no matter what, God would get me through it. And now, I feel like I've learned so much more about faith.
I remember so many people praying for Freddie to be healed. Believing that there would be a miracle for him. And I remember thinking, "But what if there isn't?" How would that be a testament to God's ability to take care of His people? How would people learn that faith isn't always about getting the answers we want. Faith is believing, that no matter what, God will be there.
Do I feel that every day at every minute during every stressful, exhausting moment? No...but that is grace.
I remember it so clearly and vividly hitting me after Freddie's funeral while I was talking to a dear friend at the reception at Fort Worth Club. You see, expecting a miracle wasn't the only way that God could work through Freddie. I truly believe that Freddie's LIFE was a testament. His joy, his charisma, his generosity, his relationships, his loyalty, his laugh, his jokes...can't we all look at the way he lived and believe that God worked through him?
It sounds crazy to say that his death was sudden and shocking. He had cancer. But he had put on such a brave face to most around him that nobody expected him to go so unexpectedly and so suddenly.
November 5th, Freddie worked all day. He came home late afternoon and sat in my office as I worked and talked to me. Looking back, I realize there was something on his mind, but he wasn't ready to talk about it and I was wrapped up in the busyness of my job. He and I talked for a little bit about those daily mundane things married couples rarely get to talk about because there are never many minutes you have to devote to each other when you have kids. He left to see one last client and I left a few minutes later to pick up Will at school. I came home, made dinner, ate with Will, and Freddie came home not long after that. I remember apologizing that I made spaghetti. Freddie had a lot of stomach problems and sometimes the acidity of tomato sauce would bother his stomach. He said that it looked great and he was hungry. He went into the other room with Will and started eating. I was watching a TV show and cleaning up the kitchen. He suddenly came running through the room, getting sick to his stomach. I, of course, was worried the food had made him ill, but he insisted it wasn't that. He said he was scared. He had a lot on his mind. He finally broke down, in tears, and told me the doctor had called and said they found the cancer in his skull.
Freddie's biggest fear, during his entire cancer battle, was that the cancer would end up in his head.
I was in shock and looking back probably didn't say the perfect thing or most positive, supportive thing. But as we were talking, he began acting funny. His speech was garbled, and one side of his face started falling. I so distinctly remember saying, "I think you are having a stroke." and googling the symptoms and calling a friend. Her first response, of course, was, "Have you called 911?"
I didn't believe all of this was really happening. I called 911 and 10 minutes later had 15 or so people in my living room between fire fighters, EMTs, and neighbors. I remember the EMT saying, "Ma'am (you know it's serious when they say "ma'am".), I'm not trying to scare you, but I really do think he's had a stroke." They took him downtown and I followed shortly.
As I was backing out the car in the driveway, a good friend called and asked what was going on. I couldn't believe she even knew anything, but God has His mysterious ways. Our new neighbors' son is good friends with my god-daughter. He had text her when the emergency vehicles showed up and she told her parents...thank God.
I arrived at the hospital and Freddie was still getting an MRI of his brain. He came back not long after I had been there. He was semi-conscious and our good friend David soon arrived. We waited and waited and finally the doctor came in (mind you, we still are not in a real room, we are in the ER triage with a curtain around us), and again "ma'am, tell me what you know." I told the whole story of the cancer battle up to Freddie telling me they found it in his skull. The doctor nodded his head and said, "We've counted at least 17 tumors in his brain."
Shock.
Tears.
Disbelief.
To say that I wasn't grateful that I wasn't in that ER alone is an understatement. I truly believe God put David there so that I would have support. I remember sobbing with him and both of us not feeling like this was real. I calmed down and walked up to Freddie's bedside. I told him the doctor just came in and asked if he wanted to know what he said.
His response, "No. I heard him. I love you. I love William." And he began praying the Lord's Prayer.
"NO!" I screamed. "You're not leaving me! Don't do that! Don't talk like that!" But I truly believe, from that point, he began to let go. He was tired. He was suffering. And the last thing Freddie ever wanted was for Will and me to watch him suffer.
Friends started hearing the news. People arrived to visit. I went home for a few hours to shower, get a little sleep (visitors were not allowed at night in the ICU), and bring Will the next morning. When we arrived, I spoke with the doctor and the news was grave. He didn't know how much longer we had, but expected it to be a few weeks. Not half an hour later, the social worker was in the room asking us to make the decision to move Freddie to hospice. Freddie's family and two close friends and I made the decision. We wanted him to be comfortable and in peace. He arrived at hospice just before noon and less than 4 hours later, was at eternal peace. It was shocking. I remember walking into his hospice room wondering when I'd get home to get more clothes because I just knew we would be there for days/weeks. We weren't even there a day.
I share this story now because I truly believe I was only able to get through that day (it was less than 24 hours) because of my faith and the family and friends Will and I had surrounding us.
So, going back to faith...and wondering what it truly is...I believe it is believing that no matter what, somehow, God is going to give you the grace to keep going...even when you don't know how you will.
To say that the last three months have been exhausting, shocking, difficult, and unbelievable would be an understatement. Going from hearing your baby cry for his daddy to not really asking about him at all is heart-wrenching. Waking up each day and putting one foot in front of the other is a choice. It isn't always easy. It is very rarely enjoyable. But, I have a sweet, sweet little boy to keep me going. A boy who already sounds, laughs, acts, and jokes like his daddy. And that, my friends, is a legacy. That is finding grace.
And now, there is so much to write...
What a crazy ride life has been for me...
I'm definitely learning to find grace in the grieving.
When I lost Anna Sophia almost 5 years ago, I went through such a dark, sorrowful time. I didn't understand why it happened. I didn't understand how to deal with it. And I didn't understand that it would take me going through it and dealing with it to get to the other side and find healing.
I definitely had no idea, at that time, that 5 years later, I would lose the love of my life.
November 6th, 2013, Freddie lost his battle with cancer.
It is so difficult for me to put into words the emotions and thoughts I have each day. I've now buried two of the three most important people in my life....in less than 5 years...
When Freddie was first diagnosed with cancer in May of 2011, of course my brain automatically went to "What if?" When you hear that word, when anyone hears that word, they wonder...Will I make it? Am I strong enough? Why me?
At that time, I couldn't imagine my life without Freddie. Will was only 5 months old. I was a stay-at-home mom believing that we were coming out of a dark time grieving our daughter and finally able to celebrate the new life God had brought into our family.
So many events, procedures, prescriptions, treatments, journeys, relationships, hardships were experienced during that time. I still don't even know if I know what true, honest faith is. I worried most steps of the way, but continued to believe that no matter what, God would get me through it. And now, I feel like I've learned so much more about faith.
I remember so many people praying for Freddie to be healed. Believing that there would be a miracle for him. And I remember thinking, "But what if there isn't?" How would that be a testament to God's ability to take care of His people? How would people learn that faith isn't always about getting the answers we want. Faith is believing, that no matter what, God will be there.
Do I feel that every day at every minute during every stressful, exhausting moment? No...but that is grace.
I remember it so clearly and vividly hitting me after Freddie's funeral while I was talking to a dear friend at the reception at Fort Worth Club. You see, expecting a miracle wasn't the only way that God could work through Freddie. I truly believe that Freddie's LIFE was a testament. His joy, his charisma, his generosity, his relationships, his loyalty, his laugh, his jokes...can't we all look at the way he lived and believe that God worked through him?
It sounds crazy to say that his death was sudden and shocking. He had cancer. But he had put on such a brave face to most around him that nobody expected him to go so unexpectedly and so suddenly.
November 5th, Freddie worked all day. He came home late afternoon and sat in my office as I worked and talked to me. Looking back, I realize there was something on his mind, but he wasn't ready to talk about it and I was wrapped up in the busyness of my job. He and I talked for a little bit about those daily mundane things married couples rarely get to talk about because there are never many minutes you have to devote to each other when you have kids. He left to see one last client and I left a few minutes later to pick up Will at school. I came home, made dinner, ate with Will, and Freddie came home not long after that. I remember apologizing that I made spaghetti. Freddie had a lot of stomach problems and sometimes the acidity of tomato sauce would bother his stomach. He said that it looked great and he was hungry. He went into the other room with Will and started eating. I was watching a TV show and cleaning up the kitchen. He suddenly came running through the room, getting sick to his stomach. I, of course, was worried the food had made him ill, but he insisted it wasn't that. He said he was scared. He had a lot on his mind. He finally broke down, in tears, and told me the doctor had called and said they found the cancer in his skull.
Freddie's biggest fear, during his entire cancer battle, was that the cancer would end up in his head.
I was in shock and looking back probably didn't say the perfect thing or most positive, supportive thing. But as we were talking, he began acting funny. His speech was garbled, and one side of his face started falling. I so distinctly remember saying, "I think you are having a stroke." and googling the symptoms and calling a friend. Her first response, of course, was, "Have you called 911?"
I didn't believe all of this was really happening. I called 911 and 10 minutes later had 15 or so people in my living room between fire fighters, EMTs, and neighbors. I remember the EMT saying, "Ma'am (you know it's serious when they say "ma'am".), I'm not trying to scare you, but I really do think he's had a stroke." They took him downtown and I followed shortly.
As I was backing out the car in the driveway, a good friend called and asked what was going on. I couldn't believe she even knew anything, but God has His mysterious ways. Our new neighbors' son is good friends with my god-daughter. He had text her when the emergency vehicles showed up and she told her parents...thank God.
I arrived at the hospital and Freddie was still getting an MRI of his brain. He came back not long after I had been there. He was semi-conscious and our good friend David soon arrived. We waited and waited and finally the doctor came in (mind you, we still are not in a real room, we are in the ER triage with a curtain around us), and again "ma'am, tell me what you know." I told the whole story of the cancer battle up to Freddie telling me they found it in his skull. The doctor nodded his head and said, "We've counted at least 17 tumors in his brain."
Shock.
Tears.
Disbelief.
To say that I wasn't grateful that I wasn't in that ER alone is an understatement. I truly believe God put David there so that I would have support. I remember sobbing with him and both of us not feeling like this was real. I calmed down and walked up to Freddie's bedside. I told him the doctor just came in and asked if he wanted to know what he said.
His response, "No. I heard him. I love you. I love William." And he began praying the Lord's Prayer.
"NO!" I screamed. "You're not leaving me! Don't do that! Don't talk like that!" But I truly believe, from that point, he began to let go. He was tired. He was suffering. And the last thing Freddie ever wanted was for Will and me to watch him suffer.
Friends started hearing the news. People arrived to visit. I went home for a few hours to shower, get a little sleep (visitors were not allowed at night in the ICU), and bring Will the next morning. When we arrived, I spoke with the doctor and the news was grave. He didn't know how much longer we had, but expected it to be a few weeks. Not half an hour later, the social worker was in the room asking us to make the decision to move Freddie to hospice. Freddie's family and two close friends and I made the decision. We wanted him to be comfortable and in peace. He arrived at hospice just before noon and less than 4 hours later, was at eternal peace. It was shocking. I remember walking into his hospice room wondering when I'd get home to get more clothes because I just knew we would be there for days/weeks. We weren't even there a day.
I share this story now because I truly believe I was only able to get through that day (it was less than 24 hours) because of my faith and the family and friends Will and I had surrounding us.
So, going back to faith...and wondering what it truly is...I believe it is believing that no matter what, somehow, God is going to give you the grace to keep going...even when you don't know how you will.
To say that the last three months have been exhausting, shocking, difficult, and unbelievable would be an understatement. Going from hearing your baby cry for his daddy to not really asking about him at all is heart-wrenching. Waking up each day and putting one foot in front of the other is a choice. It isn't always easy. It is very rarely enjoyable. But, I have a sweet, sweet little boy to keep me going. A boy who already sounds, laughs, acts, and jokes like his daddy. And that, my friends, is a legacy. That is finding grace.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Long Overdue
I know it has been a while since I have posted, once again. We have had a very busy few months and the last thing on my mind has been blogging.
Since October, we have found out that there are some new spots on Freddie's back. There have been multiple tests ran, and we are actually currently at the hospital while he undergoes another PET scan. The doctors want to ensure that it is not affecting the bone on his spine or any of his spinal chord. Hopefully, these tests will also give them additional knowledge in knowing how we should move forward with treatment.
Freddie has also been very sick and extremely exhausted. This last cycle has been hard. The doctor has decided to lower his dosage, for now. He is on the highest dosage of any of his patients and responded well to the Sutent so far. Because it has shown such progress on the tumors around his lung, we are hoping to begin to see some of that progress on the other spots in his back.
I began a new job back in December. I'm working for an educational technology company called Agile Mind. We work with an education research arm of UT called the Charles A. Dana Center. My company publishes their work into teaching and learning systems that can be used to teach mathematics at the secondary level. I am very excited to be there. They are very forward-thinking and putting in all the best practices I learned while studying for both of my degrees. We work toward closing the achievement gap and transforming learning in the classroom. It is really neat to be a part of and I am excited for something new.
William continues to be our joy. His words are now endless and conversation is becoming very fun. Some of his favorite things are "choo-choos", iPad games, playing outside, rough-housing with Callie, puzzles, reading books, and pretty much expending as much energy as possible. He loves his new school and we are excited to see evidence of all that he is learning. I think it has been a wonderful transition for him. He is very social and loves to learn. He talks constantly about his teachers (which makes me wonder if my students talked about me that much! HA!). We feel so abundantly blessed to have him and thank God that He entrusted him to us. There is never a "tiss" (kiss), "te amo", snuggle, laugh, or dance-off far away and I find joy in these small moments (Freddie does too). It is so fun to share jokes and special moments together. Our favorite times continue to include just the three of us eating, laughing, playing, or watching a movie together. I can't wait to see what Will becomes and what God has in-store for him.
We continue to be humbled and grateful for the prayers and support of our loved ones. Trust me, they are all felt and deeply heard. God is teaching me so much about what it means to live in the moment. I continue to seek His daily grace and peace and trust that He will see us through this struggle. Cancer doesn't just affect your health. It tries to destroy your finances, your relationships, your faith, your trust, your confidence; basically your entire life. We continue fighting to keep that from happening. It is a daily, moment-to-moment burden, but we pray that one day we will hear those magical words "remission" and "cancer-free".
Thank you for enduring this with us and your constant thoughts and prayers. So many of you have come through, even on simple things, and you can only imagine how much they mean and how grateful we are for them. Please know that we fully appreciate every single one and hope that one day, we can return those favors - whether they are to you, or paid forward.
For now, we will rest in His peace and pray for His grace for today.
With Love,
Emily
Since October, we have found out that there are some new spots on Freddie's back. There have been multiple tests ran, and we are actually currently at the hospital while he undergoes another PET scan. The doctors want to ensure that it is not affecting the bone on his spine or any of his spinal chord. Hopefully, these tests will also give them additional knowledge in knowing how we should move forward with treatment.
Freddie has also been very sick and extremely exhausted. This last cycle has been hard. The doctor has decided to lower his dosage, for now. He is on the highest dosage of any of his patients and responded well to the Sutent so far. Because it has shown such progress on the tumors around his lung, we are hoping to begin to see some of that progress on the other spots in his back.
I began a new job back in December. I'm working for an educational technology company called Agile Mind. We work with an education research arm of UT called the Charles A. Dana Center. My company publishes their work into teaching and learning systems that can be used to teach mathematics at the secondary level. I am very excited to be there. They are very forward-thinking and putting in all the best practices I learned while studying for both of my degrees. We work toward closing the achievement gap and transforming learning in the classroom. It is really neat to be a part of and I am excited for something new.
William continues to be our joy. His words are now endless and conversation is becoming very fun. Some of his favorite things are "choo-choos", iPad games, playing outside, rough-housing with Callie, puzzles, reading books, and pretty much expending as much energy as possible. He loves his new school and we are excited to see evidence of all that he is learning. I think it has been a wonderful transition for him. He is very social and loves to learn. He talks constantly about his teachers (which makes me wonder if my students talked about me that much! HA!). We feel so abundantly blessed to have him and thank God that He entrusted him to us. There is never a "tiss" (kiss), "te amo", snuggle, laugh, or dance-off far away and I find joy in these small moments (Freddie does too). It is so fun to share jokes and special moments together. Our favorite times continue to include just the three of us eating, laughing, playing, or watching a movie together. I can't wait to see what Will becomes and what God has in-store for him.
We continue to be humbled and grateful for the prayers and support of our loved ones. Trust me, they are all felt and deeply heard. God is teaching me so much about what it means to live in the moment. I continue to seek His daily grace and peace and trust that He will see us through this struggle. Cancer doesn't just affect your health. It tries to destroy your finances, your relationships, your faith, your trust, your confidence; basically your entire life. We continue fighting to keep that from happening. It is a daily, moment-to-moment burden, but we pray that one day we will hear those magical words "remission" and "cancer-free".
Thank you for enduring this with us and your constant thoughts and prayers. So many of you have come through, even on simple things, and you can only imagine how much they mean and how grateful we are for them. Please know that we fully appreciate every single one and hope that one day, we can return those favors - whether they are to you, or paid forward.
For now, we will rest in His peace and pray for His grace for today.
With Love,
Emily
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Cancer
If I were to write my own definition of what this word means, it would be this: disease and destroyer of one's health, relationships, finances, and hope; creator of faith, hope, grace and thankfulness.
It's amazing to look back over the past year or so and see how much we have been through. I was just thinking the other day about where we were one year ago. I remember the feelings and fears I had trying to pack, organize, and plan for our family to live in an unfamiliar city for a short time. I didn't know how I would take care of a baby and a sick/recovering husband. I didn't know where we were going to stay or how we were going to afford it. I didn't know whether the surgery he was supposed to have would be successful. There were so many unknowns.
And yet, here I am one year later, with many more. But looking back, I would have never guessed we would be here.
Today, Freddie is undergoing treatment that seems to be having positive results on the cancer that has tried to destroy our family, our friendships, our finances, and our faith. I am not ashamed to admit that it isn't easy. There are days I wonder where God is and why I feel so deserted. There are days that are stressful and overwhelming. Times where I see our true friends step up and love us unconditionally and support us in the best ways they know how. Moments of sweetness, just the three of us...loving, living, and learning....
You see, as I have watched cancer try to take everything from my family, I have fought harder. As I look back over this time, I don't always think about the bad. I also think about the good. I cherish the moments I see my husband be an amazing father, I witness my husband fight harder and harder, with all that he has, and still wake up each morning with a smile on his face and a willingness to work as hard as he can to provide for his family. I see my son, mostly unfazed by it all, laugh, play, and grow with parents that love him with an indescribable love and joy for him.
I hope, that as we face this journey, that it continues. That we never take what we are learning and experiencing for granted. Much in the same way I have moments that I look at Will and thank God for him, especially after everything we went through with Anna Sophia. I realize the blessing that he is and feel like I cherish him even more, had I not gone through losing her.
I hope my son sees two people that love him and love each other and never want to lose sight of what is really important. Money, it comes and goes, health fades, beauty is short-lived. But love, faith, and mercy are forever.
Finally, I hope that as you read this, you think of the things you may have taken for granted. Although Freddie and I struggle, we still see how blessed we have been and are grateful for that. Our loved ones have reached out with their time, their efforts, their prayers, and their money to help us fight this battle. We are forever indebted to them.
Freddie and I have begun to feel the weight of something big. We don't know what it is or what it looks like, but we know it is coming. Our first steps in moving toward what God is doing is to begin to help others fight the battle that we have been fighting. We aren't totally sure how that is going to look or where that is going to be, but right now, it is in prayer and support of others close to us who are fighting for their health and their life as well.
Please continue to pray for our family. For our direction, our peace, and our faith as we continue to move forward. We are so grateful to anyone and everyone who has been there for us and we pray that God shows you His blessing and mercy in return.
We will know more about Freddie's current status in a few weeks, and I will share it when we do.
Take care and be blessed.
The Carams
It's amazing to look back over the past year or so and see how much we have been through. I was just thinking the other day about where we were one year ago. I remember the feelings and fears I had trying to pack, organize, and plan for our family to live in an unfamiliar city for a short time. I didn't know how I would take care of a baby and a sick/recovering husband. I didn't know where we were going to stay or how we were going to afford it. I didn't know whether the surgery he was supposed to have would be successful. There were so many unknowns.
And yet, here I am one year later, with many more. But looking back, I would have never guessed we would be here.
Today, Freddie is undergoing treatment that seems to be having positive results on the cancer that has tried to destroy our family, our friendships, our finances, and our faith. I am not ashamed to admit that it isn't easy. There are days I wonder where God is and why I feel so deserted. There are days that are stressful and overwhelming. Times where I see our true friends step up and love us unconditionally and support us in the best ways they know how. Moments of sweetness, just the three of us...loving, living, and learning....
You see, as I have watched cancer try to take everything from my family, I have fought harder. As I look back over this time, I don't always think about the bad. I also think about the good. I cherish the moments I see my husband be an amazing father, I witness my husband fight harder and harder, with all that he has, and still wake up each morning with a smile on his face and a willingness to work as hard as he can to provide for his family. I see my son, mostly unfazed by it all, laugh, play, and grow with parents that love him with an indescribable love and joy for him.
I hope, that as we face this journey, that it continues. That we never take what we are learning and experiencing for granted. Much in the same way I have moments that I look at Will and thank God for him, especially after everything we went through with Anna Sophia. I realize the blessing that he is and feel like I cherish him even more, had I not gone through losing her.
I hope my son sees two people that love him and love each other and never want to lose sight of what is really important. Money, it comes and goes, health fades, beauty is short-lived. But love, faith, and mercy are forever.
Finally, I hope that as you read this, you think of the things you may have taken for granted. Although Freddie and I struggle, we still see how blessed we have been and are grateful for that. Our loved ones have reached out with their time, their efforts, their prayers, and their money to help us fight this battle. We are forever indebted to them.
Freddie and I have begun to feel the weight of something big. We don't know what it is or what it looks like, but we know it is coming. Our first steps in moving toward what God is doing is to begin to help others fight the battle that we have been fighting. We aren't totally sure how that is going to look or where that is going to be, but right now, it is in prayer and support of others close to us who are fighting for their health and their life as well.
Please continue to pray for our family. For our direction, our peace, and our faith as we continue to move forward. We are so grateful to anyone and everyone who has been there for us and we pray that God shows you His blessing and mercy in return.
We will know more about Freddie's current status in a few weeks, and I will share it when we do.
Take care and be blessed.
The Carams
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Too Long
I can't even believe it has been over four months since I have posted anything. I've had several family members and friends mention that they miss my updates, but I guess I neglected to realize how long it had been. I've also had a lot of people asking for updates on Freddie, which made me return here.
He has now completed two cycles {4 weeks on, 2 weeks off is a cycle} on the drug Sutent. So far, he has responded well to the treatment. He is very rarely sick and seems to physically be feeling very well. We will not know more about how the drug is affecting the cancer until later this month when we travel to NIH again and does his routine scans, tests, etc.
Meanwhile, his blood sugar has become an increasing concern and he is now on medication to help control it. He also has to take blood pressure medicine with the Sutent because one side effect of the drug is increased blood pressure.
Thankfully, he is feeling physically well, staying busy with work, and trying to fit in the occasional run.
Mentally, we are both stressed. Cancer is a b****. It tries to take over your entire life and destroy everything in its path. We continue to try to fight it and believe that somehow, someway, we will overcome this.
It is often-times hard to not feel like you are in whole that you continue to dig yourself into. Our focus continues to be on our family and spending as much time together as we can.
Each of us faces struggle, but I sometimes wonder how much struggle is enough.
William continues to be our joy, our laughter, our dance, and our love. He makes each day special and worth having. I don't know where we would be without him and can't express how grateful we are for him. God truly has blessed us and for that, we are thankful.
As for me, I continue to play the balancing act with work and home {as any working mom does}. Some days are harder than others, but each day is worth it. I continue to try to support Freddie and Will as much as I can and shower them with love and appreciation {Admittedly, I'm not always very good at that. ;)}.
Thank you for lifting us up in your prayers and believing with us. We are beyond grateful for each person who has been there for us in any way. Life is tough and without people who love us, we wouldn't be where we are today.
I hope this update finds you well. Please love your family, friends, and life. Each day is special and should not be taken for granted.
Blessings and Love,
The Carams
He has now completed two cycles {4 weeks on, 2 weeks off is a cycle} on the drug Sutent. So far, he has responded well to the treatment. He is very rarely sick and seems to physically be feeling very well. We will not know more about how the drug is affecting the cancer until later this month when we travel to NIH again and does his routine scans, tests, etc.
Meanwhile, his blood sugar has become an increasing concern and he is now on medication to help control it. He also has to take blood pressure medicine with the Sutent because one side effect of the drug is increased blood pressure.
Thankfully, he is feeling physically well, staying busy with work, and trying to fit in the occasional run.
Mentally, we are both stressed. Cancer is a b****. It tries to take over your entire life and destroy everything in its path. We continue to try to fight it and believe that somehow, someway, we will overcome this.
It is often-times hard to not feel like you are in whole that you continue to dig yourself into. Our focus continues to be on our family and spending as much time together as we can.
Each of us faces struggle, but I sometimes wonder how much struggle is enough.
William continues to be our joy, our laughter, our dance, and our love. He makes each day special and worth having. I don't know where we would be without him and can't express how grateful we are for him. God truly has blessed us and for that, we are thankful.
As for me, I continue to play the balancing act with work and home {as any working mom does}. Some days are harder than others, but each day is worth it. I continue to try to support Freddie and Will as much as I can and shower them with love and appreciation {Admittedly, I'm not always very good at that. ;)}.
Thank you for lifting us up in your prayers and believing with us. We are beyond grateful for each person who has been there for us in any way. Life is tough and without people who love us, we wouldn't be where we are today.
I hope this update finds you well. Please love your family, friends, and life. Each day is special and should not be taken for granted.
Blessings and Love,
The Carams
Monday, March 19, 2012
The Latest
I am amazed at how long I continue to go between posts. I'm sure you are tired of hearing how busy we are, but I will continue to use that as my excuse. ;)
Unfortunately, the doctors at NIH decided it was not in Freddie's best interest to continue the medication he was on. We are now 4 weeks without treatment. They want him to go at least 2-4 more weeks before seeking any type of treatment in order for his colon to heal. We don't know what our next direction is. Most likely a different chemo until the next trial starts. Please pray for Freddie. He is continuing to have a lot of pain.
I continue to stay busy with my new career and responsibilities at home. I'm learning to balance an overflowing plate, but continue to find grace in the process. I am enjoying my role with New York Life and seeing the difference I am able to make for families. I appreciate the support and encouragement so many of you are showing me. It is humbling. Thank you.
Will continues to grow, change, and learn. He is 15 months old today. His newest obsession is Elmo. His voice is the sweetest when he tries to sing Elmo's theme song. He loves music and anytime a song ends, he applauds (whether it's on the radio, iPod, tv, etc). He is saying quite a few words and I must admit has had to have his fair share of time outs. My love for him is indescribable and I am amazed and humbled that God graced us with him.
We appreciate your continued prayers and support. I have to continue to remind myself that it isn't about the destination, but the journey that gets us there. God is teaching us much and we continue to try to seek Him and know that He is always there, even when it doesn't feel like it.
I hope this finds you enjoying your week and feeling blessed by all He has given you.
Unfortunately, the doctors at NIH decided it was not in Freddie's best interest to continue the medication he was on. We are now 4 weeks without treatment. They want him to go at least 2-4 more weeks before seeking any type of treatment in order for his colon to heal. We don't know what our next direction is. Most likely a different chemo until the next trial starts. Please pray for Freddie. He is continuing to have a lot of pain.
I continue to stay busy with my new career and responsibilities at home. I'm learning to balance an overflowing plate, but continue to find grace in the process. I am enjoying my role with New York Life and seeing the difference I am able to make for families. I appreciate the support and encouragement so many of you are showing me. It is humbling. Thank you.
Will continues to grow, change, and learn. He is 15 months old today. His newest obsession is Elmo. His voice is the sweetest when he tries to sing Elmo's theme song. He loves music and anytime a song ends, he applauds (whether it's on the radio, iPod, tv, etc). He is saying quite a few words and I must admit has had to have his fair share of time outs. My love for him is indescribable and I am amazed and humbled that God graced us with him.
We appreciate your continued prayers and support. I have to continue to remind myself that it isn't about the destination, but the journey that gets us there. God is teaching us much and we continue to try to seek Him and know that He is always there, even when it doesn't feel like it.
I hope this finds you enjoying your week and feeling blessed by all He has given you.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Perspective
A lot has been going on around our casa lately. Freddie's bi-weekly trips for treatment, my new career, and taking care of a very busy, but fun 14-month old can wear you out!
Freddie's doctors decided to give him a break from his meds last week. He has been very sick from them and they want him to get a colonoscopy before they continue treatment. His C/T showed some growth in some tumors, but some reduction in others. I honestly don't know how to feel about that.
It has been nice, however, to have a "normal" week with my main man. He's still tired and not truly himself, but he's been able to do more and been a little perkier.
Until this weekend...we all came down with the stomach bug. Boo.
But, today, we are feeling more like ourselves. I'm working away in the kitchen, trying to find a sitter for my son, and doing my normal "housewife" activities {I mean, really, could there please be a laundry fairy out there?}
It's been a fairly quiet morning. And now that I have said that, the rest of the day will be INSANE, but the quiet has allowed me to do some thinking.
In just a few short weeks, Freddie and I will celebrate 5 years of marriage. We have shared life for over 8 years and I can't even believe where the time has gone. So much has happened and we both have days where we still question, "Why us?"
I will say one thing. It has given us so much perspective. Perspective on life and what is important.
Perspective on character and who we feel should be involved in our lives each day. The people who will uplift us, cheer us on, and support us {and know that they will receive the same in return from us}. The people who do not cause drama, fights, arguing, and making everything about them. Or the people who simply don't seem to care.
Perspective on how to raise our son. What kind of man we want him to become. What we want him to value and appreciate. The experiences we want to provide him and opportunities we hope come his way.
Perspective on "keeping up with the Jonses". That my house isn't perfect {as hard as I may try for it to be}, I may not drive the latest care, shop at the trendiest stores, or eat at the hottest restaurants. I'll tell you right now, the best place to be is home...with my two boys...happy, healthy, and spending time with them.
Perspective on my God...what I expect, what I believe, what I hope for, have faith in, and value. How I try to fit him into a box and question why life seems so easy for some people and so hard for others.
Perspective on pain. What pain is and how we all experience it at different levels, but at the end of the day...it's pain. It is hurting. You can't put a definition on it or have expectations for it. People hurt. We should love them and support them through it.
It's funny. If you had asked me, even a year ago, I thought I knew these things. But for whatever reason, God is teaching them to me on a whole other level. I continue to trust Him. No matter the outcome. No matter the situation. I know people judge me, my relationship with Him, my faith in Him. But, they haven't walked in my shoes and have no idea what I think, feel, and believe.
I pray that our experience continues to help us grow together. Not only as the Caram family, but also with the people we love. That it will find us even closer and more supportive of each other.
Blessings,
Emily
Freddie's doctors decided to give him a break from his meds last week. He has been very sick from them and they want him to get a colonoscopy before they continue treatment. His C/T showed some growth in some tumors, but some reduction in others. I honestly don't know how to feel about that.
It has been nice, however, to have a "normal" week with my main man. He's still tired and not truly himself, but he's been able to do more and been a little perkier.
Until this weekend...we all came down with the stomach bug. Boo.
But, today, we are feeling more like ourselves. I'm working away in the kitchen, trying to find a sitter for my son, and doing my normal "housewife" activities {I mean, really, could there please be a laundry fairy out there?}
It's been a fairly quiet morning. And now that I have said that, the rest of the day will be INSANE, but the quiet has allowed me to do some thinking.
In just a few short weeks, Freddie and I will celebrate 5 years of marriage. We have shared life for over 8 years and I can't even believe where the time has gone. So much has happened and we both have days where we still question, "Why us?"
I will say one thing. It has given us so much perspective. Perspective on life and what is important.
Perspective on character and who we feel should be involved in our lives each day. The people who will uplift us, cheer us on, and support us {and know that they will receive the same in return from us}. The people who do not cause drama, fights, arguing, and making everything about them. Or the people who simply don't seem to care.
Perspective on how to raise our son. What kind of man we want him to become. What we want him to value and appreciate. The experiences we want to provide him and opportunities we hope come his way.
Perspective on "keeping up with the Jonses". That my house isn't perfect {as hard as I may try for it to be}, I may not drive the latest care, shop at the trendiest stores, or eat at the hottest restaurants. I'll tell you right now, the best place to be is home...with my two boys...happy, healthy, and spending time with them.
Perspective on my God...what I expect, what I believe, what I hope for, have faith in, and value. How I try to fit him into a box and question why life seems so easy for some people and so hard for others.
Perspective on pain. What pain is and how we all experience it at different levels, but at the end of the day...it's pain. It is hurting. You can't put a definition on it or have expectations for it. People hurt. We should love them and support them through it.
It's funny. If you had asked me, even a year ago, I thought I knew these things. But for whatever reason, God is teaching them to me on a whole other level. I continue to trust Him. No matter the outcome. No matter the situation. I know people judge me, my relationship with Him, my faith in Him. But, they haven't walked in my shoes and have no idea what I think, feel, and believe.
I pray that our experience continues to help us grow together. Not only as the Caram family, but also with the people we love. That it will find us even closer and more supportive of each other.
Blessings,
Emily
Monday, February 13, 2012
Update
Our plates have been very full, obviously. We have had a lot going on with Freddie going to NIH in MD every other week, dealing with hospital visits and sickness, Will's surgery, our social life, and my interview process.
Yes, that was a lot! Freddie is going every other week for testing and to receive his medication. It is stressful for both of us...a quick, exhausting trip for him and the reality of single-parenthood and anxiety over Freddie's safety for me. Needless to say, Will and I are both so glad when he gets home. We will know more about how effective the medicine is in the next few weeks.
We've dealt with some sickness with Freddie's medication. He has nausea and is very tired. Will has dealt with a lot of ear infections that lead to getting tubes and I have had strep throat and now an allergic reaction to medication. I feel like we are continuing to battle sickness and hope to see it leave our home soon. We claim healing and health over the Caram household!
And finally, yes, I said interview process. I've been contemplating returning to work over the last few months, but haven't been talking about it. With everything going on, I want Freddie's main concern to be getting well. By pure coincidence, I asked our good friend (and insurance agent) about her job. I'd been thinking about how important what she has done for us is. I also like the idea of building relationships with people in a forum where I can support and help them. She explained her career and asked me if I would be interested. From there, I began a slightly intense interview process and hesitated sharing it with anyone until it was semi-"official".
I am now studying for my first exam and hope to take it soon. Once I am licensed and have begun building my career I will truly be "official". I am very excited, but slightly nervous. This is a new direction for me. But, as Freddie put it, I would be nervous no matter what career path I was entering into right now. I am thankful to have his support and JoAnn's.
I am sure you can see our plates continue to be full. I think my favorite thing over the past few weeks has been the improvement in William. We can already tell a difference in his hearing and language development. He is beginning to talk more and understands what we are saying better. His sweet little baby voice and attempt at singing make my days. We are so grateful and humbled by him.
I hope this finds you well and blessed.
For Now,
The Carams
Yes, that was a lot! Freddie is going every other week for testing and to receive his medication. It is stressful for both of us...a quick, exhausting trip for him and the reality of single-parenthood and anxiety over Freddie's safety for me. Needless to say, Will and I are both so glad when he gets home. We will know more about how effective the medicine is in the next few weeks.
We've dealt with some sickness with Freddie's medication. He has nausea and is very tired. Will has dealt with a lot of ear infections that lead to getting tubes and I have had strep throat and now an allergic reaction to medication. I feel like we are continuing to battle sickness and hope to see it leave our home soon. We claim healing and health over the Caram household!
And finally, yes, I said interview process. I've been contemplating returning to work over the last few months, but haven't been talking about it. With everything going on, I want Freddie's main concern to be getting well. By pure coincidence, I asked our good friend (and insurance agent) about her job. I'd been thinking about how important what she has done for us is. I also like the idea of building relationships with people in a forum where I can support and help them. She explained her career and asked me if I would be interested. From there, I began a slightly intense interview process and hesitated sharing it with anyone until it was semi-"official".
I am now studying for my first exam and hope to take it soon. Once I am licensed and have begun building my career I will truly be "official". I am very excited, but slightly nervous. This is a new direction for me. But, as Freddie put it, I would be nervous no matter what career path I was entering into right now. I am thankful to have his support and JoAnn's.
I am sure you can see our plates continue to be full. I think my favorite thing over the past few weeks has been the improvement in William. We can already tell a difference in his hearing and language development. He is beginning to talk more and understands what we are saying better. His sweet little baby voice and attempt at singing make my days. We are so grateful and humbled by him.
I hope this finds you well and blessed.
For Now,
The Carams
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Quick Update
I didn't realize how long it had been since I had posted anything. It has been a crazy few weeks with the holidays, family in town, going out of town, etc. Needless to say, it is also very difficult to get a few spare moments to sit down with a toddler running all over the house and demanding my attention.
Freddie has decided to go forward with applying for the study. We will be traveling to Bethesda, Maryland. It took a lot of work on his end getting all of his records (which, by now, are spread out around the country) to one place.
In the meantime, he had applied to the drug company that our insurance denied. They approved him. All of his doctors advised him to try the study first and then see if he will need to try the other drug (the inhibitor).
We don't know much about the trial drug. It is a pill he will take for a week, be off for a week, and then travel back to Maryland every two weeks for testing. I think we will know rather quickly if it is working.
Please pray for his healing, safe travels, and that all goes smoothly with getting into this study.
Our greatest joy continues to be our son. It is hard to leave him, though we know he is in good hands, but much easier to see doctors and get tests accomplished without him in tow.
Thank you for your prayers and support. We feel very loved and blessed by the thoughts and prayers from you.
Freddie has decided to go forward with applying for the study. We will be traveling to Bethesda, Maryland. It took a lot of work on his end getting all of his records (which, by now, are spread out around the country) to one place.
In the meantime, he had applied to the drug company that our insurance denied. They approved him. All of his doctors advised him to try the study first and then see if he will need to try the other drug (the inhibitor).
We don't know much about the trial drug. It is a pill he will take for a week, be off for a week, and then travel back to Maryland every two weeks for testing. I think we will know rather quickly if it is working.
Please pray for his healing, safe travels, and that all goes smoothly with getting into this study.
Our greatest joy continues to be our son. It is hard to leave him, though we know he is in good hands, but much easier to see doctors and get tests accomplished without him in tow.
Thank you for your prayers and support. We feel very loved and blessed by the thoughts and prayers from you.
Monday, December 19, 2011
A Mother's Love
It's amazing how far the journey over the last 2 1/2 years has taken us. I remember, on May 19th, 2009 feeling so overwhelmed and cheated out of the chance to be Anna Sophia's mommy. At that time, I couldn't imagine taking the risk of having another child and felt that it would be years into my future before I was ready for that step again.
Well, we think we make plans, but God laughs. ;) Thanks to the amazing support system I have through family, faith, and friends, I was able to begin to heal and move forward. Less than a year later, we felt ready to continue our journey as a family and figured it would take a while to get pregnant again...it didn't.
Exactly 19 months after losing my daughter, I was amazingly blessed with a beautiful son. I remember the moment I had him and he started crying I literally said, "That's my baby. That's my baby's cry." I already knew him in this crazy, intricate way.
Isn't it funny how we plan? How we think that we can map out our lives and they will go a certain way?
Anyway, today, I celebrate the life that God so graciously blessed Freddie and I to bring into this world. The love I have for him is beyond imaginable and beyond explanation. Words on this page would never do it justice. And it still amazes me how that tiny little bundle brought Freddie and me all the more closer.
I play music almost daily while I'm cooking/doing dishes/cleaning/etc...This is when Will and I have some special time, ironically. We almost always dance.
I was playing Rascal Flatts, one of my favorite bands. This song came on and it so perfectly expressed what I wish for my son.
William Thomas, we pray every day that your life would be blessed. That you would grow into a strong man who knows his God, knows himself, and knows how to love others. That you would find grace and mercy in all that you do. And that you will always know the love your father and I have for you.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Will Does "Gene Simmons"
I teach this sweet boy all kinds of sign language, where his nose, ears, etc. are, but what does he learn? Obviously, his father has way more influence over him than I do. ;)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
New Update
Our insurance denied Freddie's medicine because it is not FDA approved for thymic cancer. It has been approved for other cancers, but since it isn't approved for his, the insurance looks at the bottom line and will not approve it. We are currently in the appeal process with our insurance company and also going through an application process with the drug company to see if they can assist us in getting the drug.
Freddie visited his two oncologists yesterday in Dallas. The first one he saw was new. She is a thymic specialist and would like for Freddie to visit the country's leading thymic specialist in Indiana. When Freddie met with his other oncologist yesterday afternoon, he agreed that this was a good idea and knows the doctor also. He also put in a call to the doctor and we will be visiting Indiana in December.
I know this is short and sweet, but this is all we know for now. I have no idea what we will find out in Indiana. I'm beginning to feel like doctor after doctor doesn't know what to do so we are being passed around to specialist after specialist. It is such a situation of uncertainty and disbelief. "I can't believe this is happening," "How could he have such a rare cancer," "What is going to happen and what is life going to be like for the next few months/years."
Please pray for us. And please look at life and be grateful for the blessings and health you have been given. We can't take anything in this world for granted and we don't know how long we are given. Hug and love on the ones you love, cease every moment, and live like there is no tomorrow. None of us are guaranteed to be here.
Blessings and love for now,
The Carams
Freddie visited his two oncologists yesterday in Dallas. The first one he saw was new. She is a thymic specialist and would like for Freddie to visit the country's leading thymic specialist in Indiana. When Freddie met with his other oncologist yesterday afternoon, he agreed that this was a good idea and knows the doctor also. He also put in a call to the doctor and we will be visiting Indiana in December.
I know this is short and sweet, but this is all we know for now. I have no idea what we will find out in Indiana. I'm beginning to feel like doctor after doctor doesn't know what to do so we are being passed around to specialist after specialist. It is such a situation of uncertainty and disbelief. "I can't believe this is happening," "How could he have such a rare cancer," "What is going to happen and what is life going to be like for the next few months/years."
Please pray for us. And please look at life and be grateful for the blessings and health you have been given. We can't take anything in this world for granted and we don't know how long we are given. Hug and love on the ones you love, cease every moment, and live like there is no tomorrow. None of us are guaranteed to be here.
Blessings and love for now,
The Carams
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Update
I realize I haven't been the best at blogging lately. We have had so much going on and, honestly, it's been difficult to sit down and process all of my thoughts and feelings, fears and worries about everything that has happened.
We spent two weeks in Houston at MD Anderson. Thankfully, we were able to find a small apartment very close by. We are so appreciative to the friends that help us arrange it.
A few days before Freddie's surgery, he had several tests and procedures including a C/T Scan and MRI. That evening, we both received calls from his surgeon. When Freddie was able to reach him, he shared the news that they had found a new tumor on his left shoulder blade. The cancer had spread and surgery was cancelled. He wanted to do a biopsy of the new tumor and Freddie pushed to have a new biopsy of his right lung. There had been many signs along our journey pointing us to the fact that he may have been misdiagnosed.
They were able to squeeze Freddie in for his biopsy several days later. It was a long, stressful day managing my husband and son, but we got through it and had to wait a week to find out the results.
In the meantime, we tried to enjoy ourselves as much as possible. Day trips to the beach in Galveston, visits from various family members and close friends, walks in the park, rides on the kiddie train, and a day at the zoo. It was nice to be together and cherish our time in Houston in some small way.
When we met with the doctor he informed us that Freddie had been misdiagnosed. He was diagnosed with Thymoma in May, but he actually has Thymic cancer. This is a much more aggressive disease and there is very little known about it. Thankfully, we caught it before an unnecessary surgery was completed.
On our last day in Houston, Freddie had a PET scan. We found out the following week that there are two more spots. One on his lombar and one on his pelvis.
His doctors at MD Anderson have allowed us to continue treatment here at home. Freddie's doctors are now in Dallas. His oncologist has decided to put him on an inhibitor that has been successful with other cancers. This is a drug that, if successful, could be taken for years. It does not have the side effects of chemo, which can only be taken for a limited time. Unfortunately, we are having a lot of trouble getting our insurance to approve it since the FDA hasn't approved it for this specific type of cancer. If that is the case, I don't know what the next step is. I guess more chemo and fights with the insurance company until they can see the value in my husband's life.
Words on this page can't express our fears, anxieties, stress, anger, and frustration. However, we are trying to remain optimistic and upbeat, if nothing else, for our son. We try to remain positive and keep things as normal as possible for him.
Someday, I hope we look back together and remember this stressful time and see the value in the way it helped us grow in our faith and love for each other. I believe he can be healed. We lay it in God's hands and hope that this works out the best way it can.
Please continue to pray for our family. For healing, peace, and wisdom in making the right decisions; for grace and strength as we face the unknown; and for blessings for all of those who have taken time, prayers, money, etc. to help support our family.
Right now, this is all we know. Most people want to know the prognosis of this cancer and it is not good. Doctors are very wary of giving you any definite answers. They don't want to limit their abilities and make you fearful. It is also best to stay positive because that is the number one way to become a survivor.
I know you may have questions. Please address them with caution. Being asked the same things over and over becomes difficult. It makes you doubt every decision you make and becomes frustrating when you don't have answers. I really have shared everything we know right now.
For now, we are in Fort Worth. We plan on celebrating this week with thanksgiving for all the blessings we have been given. Then, we have a precious almost-one-year-old to celebrate, followed by Christmas.
If cancer has taught me one thing, it is "carpe diem". Take each day for everything it is worth and live. Enjoy your time with the ones you love and do your best to eliminate negative energy and people. When given opportunities, take them and live life to its fullest. I thought this was a lesson I had already learned, but obviously, God is continuing to teach it to me.
Thank you for thinking of us and may God give you much to be thankful for this holiday.
Blessings to you from the Carams.
Friday, October 28, 2011
10 Months!
I know I probably say this every month, but I just can't believe how the time is flying! My little boy is already 10 months old.
He is crawling, standing, and working on walking. We are still learning sign language and I am hoping he is catching on...I know he is. When I make the sign for "milk", he always gets excited! Babble, babble, babble...boy can he be noisy! But, of course I love it...especially when I hear, "mamamamama". :)
Will is in to everything! Sometimes I wonder why I buy toys...he is so much more interested in anything BUT his toys. ;)
Freddie and I are so thankful for a baby that can travel well, especially with as much traveling as we have had to do lately. Between my brother's wedding, visiting family, and trips to Houston, this baby knows all about sitting in the car.
Will continues to be a good eater. He is eating more and more "big people" food. He likes feeding himself and doesn't seem to be too picky. I'm still trying to feed him as much organic, fruits, veggies, and whole grains as possible. We eat very little meat and it amazes me how well he eats beans and other high protein, non-meat foods.
I don't know if you can tell, but I am so in love with this little boy. He has completed our family and both Freddie and I can't imagine living life without him.
Now, I know what you've been waiting for:
He is crawling, standing, and working on walking. We are still learning sign language and I am hoping he is catching on...I know he is. When I make the sign for "milk", he always gets excited! Babble, babble, babble...boy can he be noisy! But, of course I love it...especially when I hear, "mamamamama". :)
Will is in to everything! Sometimes I wonder why I buy toys...he is so much more interested in anything BUT his toys. ;)
Freddie and I are so thankful for a baby that can travel well, especially with as much traveling as we have had to do lately. Between my brother's wedding, visiting family, and trips to Houston, this baby knows all about sitting in the car.
Will continues to be a good eater. He is eating more and more "big people" food. He likes feeding himself and doesn't seem to be too picky. I'm still trying to feed him as much organic, fruits, veggies, and whole grains as possible. We eat very little meat and it amazes me how well he eats beans and other high protein, non-meat foods.
I don't know if you can tell, but I am so in love with this little boy. He has completed our family and both Freddie and I can't imagine living life without him.
Now, I know what you've been waiting for:
Look at that big smile! {And did I mention he has 6 teeth?}
I think he's finally learning to keep his hat on...sort of.
My little cowboy. :)
Squinty smile.
:)
As you can imagine, it is very hard to get pictures of a very active 10 month old. Please excuse the cameos of Freddie's legs/arms. Ha!
I hope this post finds you well and being blessed.
Love,
The Carams
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