If I were to write my own definition of what this word means, it would be this: disease and destroyer of one's health, relationships, finances, and hope; creator of faith, hope, grace and thankfulness.
It's amazing to look back over the past year or so and see how much we have been through. I was just thinking the other day about where we were one year ago. I remember the feelings and fears I had trying to pack, organize, and plan for our family to live in an unfamiliar city for a short time. I didn't know how I would take care of a baby and a sick/recovering husband. I didn't know where we were going to stay or how we were going to afford it. I didn't know whether the surgery he was supposed to have would be successful. There were so many unknowns.
And yet, here I am one year later, with many more. But looking back, I would have never guessed we would be here.
Today, Freddie is undergoing treatment that seems to be having positive results on the cancer that has tried to destroy our family, our friendships, our finances, and our faith. I am not ashamed to admit that it isn't easy. There are days I wonder where God is and why I feel so deserted. There are days that are stressful and overwhelming. Times where I see our true friends step up and love us unconditionally and support us in the best ways they know how. Moments of sweetness, just the three of us...loving, living, and learning....
You see, as I have watched cancer try to take everything from my family, I have fought harder. As I look back over this time, I don't always think about the bad. I also think about the good. I cherish the moments I see my husband be an amazing father, I witness my husband fight harder and harder, with all that he has, and still wake up each morning with a smile on his face and a willingness to work as hard as he can to provide for his family. I see my son, mostly unfazed by it all, laugh, play, and grow with parents that love him with an indescribable love and joy for him.
I hope, that as we face this journey, that it continues. That we never take what we are learning and experiencing for granted. Much in the same way I have moments that I look at Will and thank God for him, especially after everything we went through with Anna Sophia. I realize the blessing that he is and feel like I cherish him even more, had I not gone through losing her.
I hope my son sees two people that love him and love each other and never want to lose sight of what is really important. Money, it comes and goes, health fades, beauty is short-lived. But love, faith, and mercy are forever.
Finally, I hope that as you read this, you think of the things you may have taken for granted. Although Freddie and I struggle, we still see how blessed we have been and are grateful for that. Our loved ones have reached out with their time, their efforts, their prayers, and their money to help us fight this battle. We are forever indebted to them.
Freddie and I have begun to feel the weight of something big. We don't know what it is or what it looks like, but we know it is coming. Our first steps in moving toward what God is doing is to begin to help others fight the battle that we have been fighting. We aren't totally sure how that is going to look or where that is going to be, but right now, it is in prayer and support of others close to us who are fighting for their health and their life as well.
Please continue to pray for our family. For our direction, our peace, and our faith as we continue to move forward. We are so grateful to anyone and everyone who has been there for us and we pray that God shows you His blessing and mercy in return.
We will know more about Freddie's current status in a few weeks, and I will share it when we do.
Take care and be blessed.